I've been writing (off and on) a humorous book of letters written by a lady in her autumn years - totally fiction, but scattered with truths. I've decided to post them, chapter at a time, for your amusement. I'd love to hear your comments. Some may hit home! Enjoy.

 

Community Church

Director of Music
Dear Dan,

Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed the duet last Sunday. They could go on American Idolatry - or Idol? I forget what it's called, but you know what I mean.

There are a couple other things I wanted to tell you. I was just wondering if you could put the sound down a trifle. It's hard to get rid of my head-ache when I come out of church and Tylenol doesn't seem to be effective. Perhaps if you cut it back to one drummer and only two trumpets it would help a wee bit. Poor Mr. Trumbley had trouble getting his walker through all those wires.

One other suggestion. Have you ever checked out the Hymnals in the library? You'd be surprised at some of the songs in them. They might notwork since each verse has meaning, but you never know. I've been told repetition helps one remember, but after singing "God is good" eighteen times, I'm afraid my mind wandered a trifle, though I certainly don't disagree. He is indeed good!

I really do appreciate the work you put into the service. I know the rap songs may attract some new people, but perhaps you could try diversifying. Thanks for considering my suggestions. See you next week.

---------------------------------------

To my dear daughter Cherry,

I tried to do that e-mail thing, but I think the computer is broken. It kept saying something about an internet connection not being on, whatever that means. Anyway, I have a lot of stationery and I know once I pass on it will just be used for grocery lists and things, so I may as well use it up first.

I'm delighted that you and Clark will be spending the week-end with me in April. Mercy, I don't expect you to spend the whole week-end working. I just mentioned the storm windows in passing. And turning over the soil? I can do it at my leisure. I'll just pray the good Lord keeps my back from slipping out this time. We can probably wait another year to finish painting the fence. Let's see, we started it in the year of the century change, wasn't it? My mind forgets dates, but there's no rush.

How nice that you got a promotion. Now maybe you can afford to put some furniture in the other rooms in your house. It must be expensive to fill seven bedrooms as well as a forty-foot family room. You're managing well with the sofa I gave you, though, aren't you? Speaking of all those bedrooms, don't forget your next birthday - you'll be nearly forty. Certainly not over the hill, but if you ever want to fill up those bedrooms, you may want to think about having a baby. I remember you and Clark when you were first married - how much you wanted a family. Or was that your sister, Emmy?

Well, bring your work clothes - just in case - and yes, a loaf of bread from Panera's would be super. Have to run - my ceramic class starts in half an hour.

Love, Mom

                                                       _________________
"Dear Angie,

So you've just turned twelve. What a wonderful age, isn't it? Your mother told me about your party. Did you really hike up MountDreary? Amazing! She mentioned that a boy named Tommy tried to drown his sister. What a naughty thing to do. I'm glad the bucket had a hole.

Please write and tell me about the presents the kids gave you. Your mom said she got you an I-phone, (whatever that is,) a new flat screen TV for your room, and a Kindle. I remember turning twelve. My parents gave me the book Heidi and a new pair of pajamas.

Did you have a cake? Oh, wait, your mother did tell me. Apparently it was in the shape of a castle. I heard it took four people to carry it in. That's big! But I guess you needed it for two hundred kids. Wow! I didn't even know two hundred children at your age. I guess that face-book thing is really cool. Your mom said there were people you'd never met yet. Fun!

I didn't realize you were into Russian food. Your mom said you ran out of caviar the first half hour. That's a shame. I recall running out of M & M's at one of my birthday parties and it was very embarrassing.

How did you like riding camels before your hike? I've been on a pony - but that was many years ago.
I hope you like the pink sweater I sent you. You can take off the emblem of the mouse, if you want. Your mom mentioned you're going to a rock concert next week and I thought if it was chilly, the sweater would come in handy.
Call me when you have a chance, honey. I know you're busy between homework, cheer-leading, piano, ballet, soccer, gymnastics and guitar, but I'd love to hear from you.
Just don't text. I have no idea what those letters mean.
                                      Love, Gramma

                                                          _______________

            Representative Crawling
State Capitol

 Dear Representative Crawling,

Your presence at the bridge opening last week was certainly appreciated. We did need that bridge. Absolutely. You were right. But just because traffic was slower twice a day and people were sometimes delayed all of five minutes, do you think it needed to be added across the river when the bridge two miles south gets no one at those hours?

I guess eighteen million dollars doesn't sound like much in the scheme of things, but I just have to wonder if we might have been able to put it off a while and fix those crooked sidewalks and pot-holes first. I had to have my tires realigned twice last month, and my friends in wheelchairs have a difficult time maneuvering the sidewalks in town.

Maybe you can find some leftover money to help in these areas. Just a thought.

Wasn't it nice that your brother-in-law got the contract to build the bridge though. Quite a coincidence. Family first, I always say.

 Best wishes,

                        Mrs. Tardy

P.S. Hope your trip to Europe was enjoyable. Yes, it's important to check out bridges all across the world. Glad they had room for you at the Ritz-Carlton.